How Can God Love Me?

I have the great honor of being friends with many brave men. I know men who have earned Silver Stars and Bronze Stars for Valor. I also know men that have earned Purple Hearts; some posthumously. All these men have a commonality; a single thread that binds the fiber of their fortitude. What they have, or had, is commitment. A commitment to their cause, a commitment to their profession, and above all - a commitment to one another. Their very lives often depend on it.

Mistakes and errors in judgement often hold very real, and very permanent, consequences. The difference of a single digit when calling in a fire mission could result in fratricide. Moving East instead of West may forever alter the life of  a sleeping child thousands of miles away. Believe me, these men know the cost of making a bad choice. Many are never able to forgive themselves and live with shame and guilt for the remainder of their days. Can you imagine the torment and the grief?

I know that this is an extreme example. Many will never find themselves in such dire circumstances. What is certain, however, is that we will all fail. We will all make bad choices that impact our lives and the lives of others. We will feel shame and guilt and know that we alone are responsible.

At times, we will question our worth. We will question our usefulness to the Kingdom of God. We often ask "How can God love me when I continue to fail? I keep asking for forgiveness for the same things, over and over. Why can't I get it right? I can't possibly be good enough for Him. I give up!"

I have a two word answer for this problem: Simon Peter.

I am no expert on Peter. Very simply, this is how I have learned to apply his shortcomings to my life.

Oh yes, despite being the Rock upon which Christ would build His Church, Peter often failed.

The first sermon that I heard at Rock Bridge was about Peter's failures. I have since read Beautiful Outlaw  by John Eldredge  and most of Traveling Light by Max Lucado. Both of these deal with issues surrounding Peter and how his experiences can help us all better understand Christ's infinate love and absolute forgiveness.

In my next post, I will do my best to illustrate how I apply Simon Peter to my own life and perhaps some of you will look to Peter and find Him as well.

As Max Lucado so eloquently puts it in his book Traveling Light  :

"Jesus tends to his sheep. And He will tend to you."

God Bless -

David

Learning to Crawl

Although heavily cliched, learning to crawl seems to be the best analogy to describe the last few years of my life. I have at long last advanced from lying helpless and prostrate to moving forward, albeit with difficulty.

You see, crawling is not the most efficient method of getting about. Crawlers seem to suffer from bumps, bruises, carpet-burns and various other maladies.
But crawl we must. If ever we are to walk and, dare I say it, run; first we must crawl.

The point that I am stumbling to make is that the movement is worth the sufferage.

As we move forward in Christ, we will have to contend with many bumps and bruises. There are wounds within us all that can only be healed through the opening of new ones. Our pride will be wounded, as it should. Our hardened heart will be struck hard with conviction, as it should. The very foundation of our lives will shake and crumble beneath our feet, as it must.

The good news is that all this is by His design. Rest assured that the foundations will be built up, hearts will soften, and pride will submit to His word.

I have lived most of my life far from Christ, while he has remained near. Too many times, I have ignored the whisper in my ear; the hand on my shoulder.

I first encountered Jesus at the age of 17 and was saved at Welcome Hill Baptist Church in Dalton, GA. I had spent many months listening to our pastor breathlessly preach fire and brimstone for all that fail to find Christ. The alter call came every Sunday and I was convicted. I have no doubt that the conviction was real and I was scared to death to stay in my seat. I was sincere but I had no idea what I was getting into.

You see, I knew how to bow my head and listen to the preacher pray, but I had no idea how to pray by myself. I knew that God could be found at church, but I didn't know how to find him on the street. I didn't have the ability to see Him in my daily fight.

If ever there is a time to pluck a man from Christ that is it. The enemy will open both barrels on a fresh new convert. Spiritual Guerilla Warfare had descended upon me and the most frightful aspect is that I was completely oblivious. The attack was masterfully evil. The liar came and filled me with darkness and I had not the weapons with which to defend.

"What will you do now? None of your friends will want you around anymore."
"How can you have any fun living like that?"
"Dude, there is no way that you can keep your hands to yourself."

And the worst lie of all, "You've got plenty of time for that. Live a little. Live a lot. He can wait a little longer. You can always come back later."

Of course, there comes a time when you can no longer come home. Thank God I was afforded the time to get it right.

Of course, I listened at the time. I slid farther back than when I started.

Next came 8 years of military service, 4 years back at home, 2 divorces and Breanna, my daughter, became the product of a broken home.

 I had put Jesus away and called on him only when I was hurt or scared. Now, I know that I was not complete without Him.

In 2002, I met an amazing woman. In 2004, she married me and a seed was sown.  Her example would nourish and care for that seed over many years and some difficult times. Though the germination was long, the seed finally emerged and is at long last attempting to bear fruit. I was baptized and our family joined Wesley Chapel UMC in Sanoraville, GA. We attended Wesley for a couple of years and we have now found our home at Rock Bridge Community Church in Calhoun, GA. Amanda and I have two amazing boys together - Elijah, 6 and Luke, 2. I am sure that they are a gift from God and my hope is to honor them in Christ all my days.

That, my friends is the reason for this blog. This is my attempt to bear fruit through study and prayerful reflection. I want to share my journey with anyone that cares to listen. I expect to stumble. I am sure that I will make mistakes and that I may misunderstand His Word. My prayer is that all that read my writings will remember that I am a layperson of the Lord. I am struggling to grow in Him and pray that His hand will guide me and help me to bring others near to Him. I am not a teacher, I have not attended Seminary, nor have I heard a call to pastor a church.

What I have is a conviction of the spirit. I have been convicted and summoned to convict others by sharing my brokeness and struggles. May my imperfections shine brightly, that I can see them easily and correct them for my Lord.

On this endeavor, I expect terrible turbulence. My fight has moved to an entirely new level. Please pray for me.

May God bless you all as he has surely blessed me,

David